


This End Of Ours

by ArchOfImagine



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Scattered Thoughts, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 04:40:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18653083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchOfImagine/pseuds/ArchOfImagine
Summary: ”But Peggy…”He had fallen in love with Peggy in a space of time where Bucky had been gone. Circumstance and Steve's gentle heart making it happen.”I know that too, Steve.”A gentle hand caressed down his bare chest, landed over his thumping heart that only Bucky was alive to remember slowing too slow so many times…”I am not selfish enough to expect to keep all of this big heart to myself.”





	This End Of Ours

**Author's Note:**

> This is my version of Steve's reasoning for going back to the past... and how Bucky knew exactly what he was going to do. I have to admit, thought, that the ending was mostly influenced by tumblr ideas that were honestly brilliant.

_Group. Pre… everything._

* * *

He tried so hard to keep a steady mind while there. What was the point of trying to make people feel comfortable talking about their situation if he just became a sobbing mess as he wallowed in his own sorrows? He was no good to them then.

But he wanted so badly to talk about everything. Even five _fucking_ years later. Bucky, for one. Because how many times in one life could a person be stuck saying goodbye to one of the loves of their life? He kept his focus on Peggy, when someone brought up trying to move on and dating. His relationship history was such a damn clusterfuck that it was hard to explain. It was hard to rationalize to a group of people that only knew one version of Captain America. 

They had a fancy term for it in the future… just like so many other things. _Polyamorous,_ was apparently what he would describe himself as. In the past, during the war, he had just spent quiet moments explaining things to both Bucky and Peggy. 

_”I love you,”_ he told Bucky once.

Bucky had smiled, placating Steve as he so often did. ( _Some punk, thinking I don't know everything about you._ ) Then he pulled Steve closer on the small cot and kissing the side of Steve's mouth.

_”But Peggy…”_ He had fallen in love with Peggy in a space of time where Bucky had been gone. Circumstance and Steve's gentle heart making it happen. 

_”I know that too, Steve.”_ A gentle hand caressed down his bare chest, landed over his thumping heart that only Bucky was alive to remember slowing too slow so many times… _”I am not selfish enough to expect to keep all of this big heart to myself.”_

When Bucky had been gone, and Steve was fresh from the ice, there had been Tony. Tony was something that could be compared to nothing in Steve's history. 

“I struggle the most with people that are still here,” Marilyn spoke up, bringing Steve's attention back to the room, back to the group of people there for his support. Marilyn's husband had survived the snap… but their children hadn't. “Harold continues to hassle me over things I could have done. As if I had the power to prevent all of this…” 

“That's unfair,” Steve sympathized.

While she continued on, his thoughts went back to Tony. Tony… the third love of his life. The man he hated so much he loved him.

They went an entire twenty-four hours after the battle of New York before they were fucking angrily against a wall. There was still a well placed photo of the Avengers in the tower workshop, masking a hole that Steve had punch in the plaster when he orgasmed. He had asked Tony to have it fixed multiple times, but the man had refused. _”That's a magical souvenir, Capsicle, why would I want to give it away?”_

Marilyn’s story hit closer to home than he was really expecting. Because Tony was still there… but he wasn’t. It had all came crashing down around Steve. One minute they were a thing — never official, but always there when the other needed — and then Bucky was back, and Pepper was hurt, and suddenly their attentions strayed. 

They had ended on a Wednesday. Steve would never forget the pain in his chest when Tony had broke the news. Pepper needed him. And she wasn't comfortable with sharing. It wasn’t Pepper’s fault, to be fair. Tony was a hard man to love, and what little free time he had… well, Steve couldn’t really blame her for not wanting to share those precious minutes.

He certainly hadn’t.

The problem was… to say that Steve wasn’t heartbroken by the break-up would be a bold faced lie. He was devastated, even with Bucky somewhere out there, back from the dead. 

So yeah, maybe the Sokovia accords were influenced by his own damn heart. He fought hard about the whole mess, because he was hurt. Because Tony had said goodbye. _Because Peggy was gone._

He certainly wasn’t going to let Bucky be ripped away from him again, too. 

_”He’s my friend.”_

_“So was I.”_

He had wanted to stay in Wakanda then. Wanted to give up his damn responsibilities and live with Bucky in a world where they could just be… _them._ Why didn’t he deserve that? So he helped break everyone off of the raft, and he went back to Wakanda and he folded his suit up and he shoved it under the bed in a small cabin by a lake. 

The best part — the absolutely _best_ part — was waking up with Bucky tucked against him. Hearing goats bleating in the yard outside and knowing that there was no fight.

It lasted two weeks before he got an update from Nat and Bucky found him on the floor, staring at the box filled with responsibilities.

_”You’re going to go.”_

_“I’m not.”_

_“You already have, Stevie.”_ And Bucky hadn’t blamed him. Hadn’t said a word when ‘just this one thing’ turned into twenty-two months of fighting.

Bucky was still there. And Tony was somewhere in the universe attached to Steve by the strings of an old burner phone that he would never call, Steve knew.

Then Thanos had snapped his fingers and suddenly everything Steve had was gone again. Even Tony, lost to the universe. _And fuck._ He was so tired of saying goodbye.

_”You weren’t there! And we lost!”_

He couldn’t focus on the next person in the group who was speaking… his attention was still on Tony. Still wallowing in the pain of watching Tony pack up and walk away. Start a life with Pepper that included a kid and everything he had ever whispered about wanting in the dead of the night.

But people like Steve didn’t get what they wanted.

* * *

_”Do you trust me?”_

_“I do.”_

It wasn’t the battle that brought the agony coursing through his veins. 

He could — and _would_ — battle all day long. 

He would do anything, everything, to avoid seeing that light go out. It was like everything in the whole damn world had dimmed at that point.

_”Tony!”_

“Steve.”

He was brought back to wakefulness with a shudder and a shove. Bucky was there, peering down at him from his spot on the other side of Steve’s bed. “Buck?”

Bucky kissed his temple and pulled his shaking body close. “You were screaming.”

He nodded, still out of breath from the nightmare. 

“Tony?” Bucky asked. 

Another nod.

Kisses brushed down along his face, featherlight like a whisper. 

“I'm sorry, love.”

_”I saw her,”_ Steve had said, their first night back together. He had been explaining to Bucky everything that had transpired (shortened versions, talking just to fill the silence that Tony Stark left in the universe)... when he got around to the part with _her_ in it.

_”Peggy?”_

_”Yeah.”_

God he hurt.

“Bucky.”

“I’m here.” 

“I need—” He didn’t know what he actually needed. All of the pain to end? Maybe. Instead, he latched onto Bucky’s shoulder and pulled his body closer. 

There was something to be said for knowing a person an entire broken lifetime, because Bucky knew exactly what he was asking for. Suddenly he was there, his body stretched out over Steve’s as he captured his lips in a kiss. Reminded him he was alive.

Somewhere in the scheme of it, Bucky knocked a hand out towards the bedside table and found the lube. He held it up and pulled back to catch Steve’s gaze. “Everything?”

Steve shook his head. Wasn’t it so fucking stupid that he couldn’t make himself do that? Couldn’t give up that last time because… 

_”You’re drunk.”_

_“Forgive me for not staying sober on the eve of my friend’s death.”_

_“We shouldn’t—”_

_“Do you want to fuck or not, Steve?”_

_“Tony—”_

_“Steve.”_

_“What about…”_

_“She knows. I called her. Said some things might transpire.”_

Suddenly Bucky was wiping the tears from his eyes. “Steve.”

“Not that. Just… but not _that._ ”

“Okay, Stevie.” And Bucky loved him enough not to ask him if he was sure. Steve Rogers didn’t ask for things that he wasn’t sure of. Soon a slicked up hand was wrapping around his mostly-flaccid dick, and the kisses were back. 

Shutting off his brain long enough to actually _enjoy_ what was happening, was impossible. But maybe enjoyment wasn’t what he was seeking. He buried his face against Bucky’s shoulder. “Together. Please?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He lined their bodies up properly and wrapped his fist around both of their cocks at the same time.

It took a while. More kisses. The proper flick of Bucky’s wrist at just the right time. When he finally came, he found the blissful silence of his brain.

He was asleep before he even realized that Bucky pulled away without finding his own orgasm.

* * *

It was the morning of the funeral, staring at his own reflection, when it hit him. He turned to Bucky, who was sitting in the corner chair, knees drawn up against his chest and arms wrapped around his legs. Bucky refused to wear a suit. He probably would if Steve really made a fuss about it, but the thought that Bucky had the ability to make his own choices in regards to simple things like _fashion_... well, it had him biting his tongue. Tony wouldn’t fucking care, if he was there. He would probably show up in his sunglasses and an Iron Man gauntlet, to be honest.

“I’m going back,” he said, so sudden he surprised even himself.

Bucky blinked for a moment, until their gazes caught in the mirror. “Back?”

“To her. To Peggy. I have to take the stones back and I just…”

A sadness appeared then, but not surprise. “I know.”

_Of course he did._ It wasn’t the first time that Bucky had known Steve’s intentions before Steve did… but it never failed to amaze him. “How?”

“You lost Tony and her again in the same week. You’re tired of losing, Steve… even a blind man could see that. No one is supposed to live a life like we have, and you deserve happiness.”

“It won’t fix things.”

Bucky shook his head. “No, no it won’t. Hell, it might even fuck a few things up. But you’re going to do it anyway.”

“What about—”

“No.”

“But—”

Bucky dropped his feet onto the floor and stood, moving over to Steve, pressing against his back and reaching his hands around to fix the knot of Steve’s black tie. “I don’t have anything to go back to, Steve.”

Steve turned, brushing his fingers along the back of Bucky’s flesh hand. “Me.”

“Will be living out every day to the fullest with her. And I won’t interrupt that. I also don’t want to be forced to relive everything from before.” He reached up, tapping Steve’s chin. “The past is for lovesick fools.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Are you kidding me? I’m going to be stuck keeping Sam’s ass in line and learning to be a one-hundred year old millennial. By the way… this jacket is apparently… _on point._ ”

“I love you.”

Bucky brought Steve’s hand up and kissed his knuckles. “I know. And I love you enough to let you go.”

* * *

_”I’m going to miss you.”_

Bucky’s words kept playing over and over in his head, until it was too much. 

He showed up like a dream, danced with a girl he thought he loved… and went to find a man he _knew_ he couldn’t _not_ love.

A lifetime later, Sam Wilson saw a golden ring and smiled. “You going to tell me about her?”

Steve thought of Bucky, both versions, and shook his head. “No, I don’t think I will.”


End file.
